SHAIJU

JOKES

1.Microsoft VS. GM

At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive indusrty by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued A press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) for no reson whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.

2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windowsshut off the car resart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.

4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to resart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.

6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.

7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.

9) The air bag would ask ur freshly mangled body "are you sure" before going off.

10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back inuntill you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.

12) buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, dispite the fact that you niether need nor want them. Attempting to delet this otion would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.

13) every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.

14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to mantain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."

QUOTES

"Gravitation can not be held resposible for people falling in love"

Here are some more Einstein quotes:

When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he
didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and
stones!

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
THAT'S relativity."
sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.

Einstein, Albert (1879-1955) *
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [German physicist]



MOLES - GO - ROUND

Theme for MOLE DAY 2005

(chorus)

The moles go round and round

the moles go round and round

On the carousel of chemistry

the moles go round and round



(verse 1)

Chemistry is like a carousel

That is spinning round and round

It's dynamic and exciting

and you'll want to jump right on

You'll learn about that famous mole

Or maybe you have heard

Containing 6.02 times ten

to the twenty-third



(chorus)



(verse 2)

You're gonna learn the reasons for some

scientific tricks

Why stainless steel is stainless

Why oil and water just won't mix

Why food won't stick on teflon

But teflon sticks on pans

So many things that chemistry

will help you understand.



(chorus)



(verse 3)

You're gonna learn how light sticks work

And how detergents clean

Why batteries can explode

How they manufacture gasoline

You'll learn how suntan lotion works

How soft drinks get their fizz

Why snowflakes have those special shapes

That will be on your quiz



(chorus)



(verse 4)

You'll learn how bleach can whiten clothes

And the reason iron rusts

You'll learn why ice floats on water

And what makes things combust

Hey .............what is jello anyway?

Do you really want to know?

If you want to find the answer

Chemistry's the place to go!